GOOD things come to those who wait. Wrong! Better things come to those who pay, pray and prey.
What started as a fantasy idea ten years back has finally turned into a right-in-your-hands reality. The ‘Cassandra’ pill, fondly named as ‘Carbon’ pill by its inventors, is here and how.
All this while if you have nursed moments of anguish, disillusionment, helplessness and other consumer-of-the-21st-century psychographical traits; you can finally feel pride in the realisation that in your own hapless ways, you have been contributing to the planet.
Those obscenely high popcorn prices, those gut-wrenching mineral water bottle tickers, that bouncer who dumped your biscuit packs at the entrance, the embarrassing frisking of your vital parts (lest you carry any water contraption or snack inside, and guns by the way are fine); all those vitriolic memories finally find a reason. If you have been cursing multiplexes and malls for their seemingly unreasonable and bullying ways, it’s time to cut them a slack.
No, the jaw-and-kidney-dropping margins they have been fleecing you with, were not for their merchant ambitions. There was an ulterior and much-nobler-than-you-can-imagine cause behind all those expensive sandwiches you were forced to eat.
A surreptitious huddle of these entertainment czars has been working on a marvel pill all these years. The intent was to conjure up something that when consumed, helps the human body excrete earth-friendly gases from all possible outlets.
Just like plants that have this incredible power of inhaling carbon di-oxide and exhaling life-sustaining oxygen, the pill transforms human body into a fascinating test tube of carbon-friendly chemical reactions. Borrowed mainly from the enzymes and catalysts that work new pathways in organic chemistry, the formula empowers human digestive system to toss out friendly gaseous by-products.
When poured in at the right time and the right temperature (something probably multiplexes will patent and imperialise for the good cause of enabling future development of this breakthrough) the pill immediately converts toxins (munch as many junk burgers and pest-laden colas carefree now) into compounds that mitigate the greenhouse scare to a large extent in a matter of minutes.
So if you have been feeling guilty of trashing the earth of bad matter and littering your body with not-so-grey-matter, while your compatriots have been doing their bit fighting the climate change horror; rest your qualms away. Just make sure you buy two of those (since one would be forcefully sold anyways on the box office counter) pills the next time you step out to catch some wind and a movie.
Burp, fart, exhale, sneeze, snort at ease and make your own contributions to planet earth. We need more responsible citizens to fuel flabbergastingly-disruptive projects like these. After all, won’t it be awesome to get the license to pollute more air, and gulp in more of those fifty-rupee-coffee-which-you-buy-at-five hundred-rupee-for-no-rhyme-or-reason beverages? As long as you can make it all up by popping just a pill or two!
The best part is that this pill has been kept in an affordable range to allow more penetration in the market. It would probably be priced at an 50 per cent mark-up over the average popcorn bucket, as analysts estimate.
Exact market strategy will take some time to be diced though since the project founders are choosing to go discreet at the moment. No comments could be availed as expected. Their modesty and humility at even this big a milestone keeps us surprised as always.
Till we get you more info on the news as it develops, stay tuned in and keep that carbon flowing.
P.S: And this is how we commemorated the 1st of April this time!